Clouds of White
by Stormwake
Summary: Raven has gone back to Azarath to get stronger, but Beast Boy is still thinking about her after she's gone. Oneshot songfic.


Another random songfic. w00t! Usually I don't support BB and Rae pairings but it's really starting

to grow on me. Disclaimer: Once again, I don't own Teen Titans. If I did, trust me, you'd know.

* * *

Beast Boy sat on the roof of Titans Tower. It was a fresh summer afternoon, but he didn't feel as joyful as he should have. He thought about her every day since she left and it haunted his every waking hour. Even at night, dreams about her plagued him tirelessly. Quite frankly, he was heartbroken. "Raven…" Starfire opened the door coming from the Tower and sat next to Beast Boy. "You really miss her, don't you?" "Yeah." "Do you want to talk about it?" He looked at the young alien and gave it some thought. Now, to Cyborg or Robin he would have never spoken of such things, but this was Starfire. She could listen to anyone and make them feel better. "Yeah, alright." And then he explained everything. 

_An empty street  
__An empty house  
__A hole inside my heart __I'm all alone  
The rooms are getting smaller_

The Tower, it seems so empty without her. I don't know what it was, but something about her presence added to the home-like feeling of it. Maybe it was the constant smell of incense wafting from her room or the endless drone of her meditation. There's an empty space inside the Tower, and there's and empty space inside of me. A place that can't ever be filled. I know I have Cyborg and Robin and you, but it just isn't the same. I feel alone. Helpless and alone.

_I wonder how  
__I wonder why  
__I wonder where they are_

And as I sit here with you, I wonder why we even let her leave. Why did she have to go back to Azarath? She was already powerful enough. Why did she want to become even stronger? Why couldn't she just hone her powers here? Why didn't she want to be with me? I have so many questions and I doubt any of them will ever be answered.

_The days we had  
The songs we sang together_

Remember how much fun we had? We went for pizza, went to the mall, watched silly movies…. Doesn't any of that matter? Don't we matter? I remember this one time at the park. We were all hanging out and I started singing this song. I don't even remember what it was anymore, but I do remember you, Cyborg and Robin singing with me. I thought Raven was just going to sit there, but then she joined in too and we all sat there for a while. Just laughing and looking at the fluffy, white clouds, floating lazily through the bright blue sky. Why would she want to give that up? We were all such good friends.

_We're holding on forever  
Reaching for the love that seems so far_

What am I saying, Starfire? I don't even know if she liked me back. What if she really hated me like it seemed? What if she really liked me back? Either way, I get angry at myself. If she didn't like me, I was an idiot for ever dreaming that we could be together. If she did like me, I was and idiot for not saying anything, because we could have been together. Everything just seems hopeless.

_So I say it in a breath  
Hope my dreams will take me there  
Where the skies are blue  
To see you once again my love __all the seas go coast to coast  
Find the place I love the most  
Where the fields are green  
To see you once again my love_

I go to bed at night, wishing to see her in my dreams. I do, but it never makes me feel any better like I always hope it does. Sometimes in my dreams, I go to Azarath, where there is always a deep black sky which envelops everything like a big, velvetcloak. I get lost in the starless night, searching for Raven. But I find her and she comes back to the Tower and everything is happy again. I want her to come back for real and be with us. I want her to be with me.

_I tried to read  
I go to work  
I'm laughing with my friends  
But I can't stop  
To keep myself from thinking_

You see me. I do everything I normally do. I play video games, I eat tofu, I fight bad guys… But all the while, Raven is still sitting in the back of my head, nagging me, begging me to bring her back when really, I can't do anything. Sometimes I try to blame someone else. Then I think about Terra. Maybe she's the reason Raven left. Because she thought I loved Terra more than her. But then, what if that had nothing do with it? What if she left without even giving me a second thought? She probably doesn't even know that I love her.

_To hold you in my arms  
To promise you my love  
To tell you from my heart_

I just want to be with her. I want to tell her how much I like her and ask her if she likes me back. As if knowing will make the pain go away. Maybe it will. Maybe it won't. But I have to know. Somehow. I'm only afraid that she only remembers me as the idiot who told jokes, ate tofu and bugged the crap out of her. I hope not, 'cause that's not who I want to be.

_You're all I'm thinking of  
Reaching for the love that seems so far_

When she came to me, the very first day we all met, I knew something was special about her. I had never experienced true love before and so I mistook it for fear. I thought that I thought that she was creepy and weird looking. But now I see that I my real thoughts were that she was beautiful and graceful in such a way that made me just want to tell her how much I really and truly liked her. But now, all I can do is look up at the sky and imagine her in a robe of silky white, weaving an intricate dance among the clouds. And I just want to sit and look at the clouds forever more. The clouds of white.

Starfire sat up and looked at Beast Boy with a sense of awe. "Beast Boy… That's some pretty heavy stuff there." "Tell me about it." "Maybe someday she will come back to us and you can tell her all this. It's been almost a year now… She's bound to turn up one day or another." She got up, walked to the door and turned around to look at Beast Boy. "You do you feel better now that you've talked about it, yes?" "Yeah, Star. Thanks." "That's what friends are for."

Later, Beast boy sat on the roof again, illuminated by the light of the waxing moon. It shone with a silver brilliance that seemed to wash away his anxiety. Although his talk with Starfire had eased his pain, it was still there. He sighed. "This was the kind of night Raven always liked. When you could lose yourself in the endless folds of the moonlit sky." He was startled from his deep thoughts by a voice in the doorway. It belonged to neither Cyborg, Robin nor Starfire, but to another titan. Raven. He spun around to face her. She was clothed in a wispy white cloak, quite similar to the one Beast Boy always saw her wearing during her dances in the sky. Like clouds of white. He was unsure of what to say but it seemed as if Raven already knew. "Beast Boy." Her voice sounded older, more mature as if she had aged a great deal in her absence. "Beast Boy, I came back for you." She pulled him into a tight embrace andwhispered into his ear."I love you." "I love you too." was her quiet reply.

Review please!


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